I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
