ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How external is "for external use only"?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
