I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
