No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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