My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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