I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
