If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
