I seem to have left my pride at pride
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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