just come out here and I will go home with you...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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