there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
