I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dicks are not precious.
I need a beard to bite.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
