i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
