i wish my penis had a tongue
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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