well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
