hotel room ftw
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
