East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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