i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
