We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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