Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
