Porn is love you can see.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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