P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
