you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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