yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
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The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
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I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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