I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
