Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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