I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
