I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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