Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
