dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
