Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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