i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
