i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
