we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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