Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
