Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
