im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I should be sponsored by Trojan
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
