How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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