His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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