he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
