I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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