p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
