oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
