We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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