Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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