My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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