I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize