Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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