well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
