just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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