I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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