Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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