You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
