watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
