I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
