I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
