you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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