***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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