i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You've changed since you got that strap on
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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