bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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