Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
