Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
