Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
