Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
