Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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