evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
