Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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