Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
