How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
