The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
