So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
