somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
