This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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