He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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