just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
