He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
